Last Thursday, I had to have an MRI. I am VERY claustrophobic, so my doctor prescribed me a Valium to take beforehand. I'd never taken a Valium before, so I wasn't quite sure what to expect. All I knew was that I wasn't allowed to drive myself to and from the appointment because of it.
I've lived in the city I live in for 24 years now - basically, my entire adult life. I don't have any family living near me - in fact, if I needed a family member to be with me, they'd need to get on a plane to make the trip. Both of my parents are also dead, so the number of family members I still have in my life is very small anyway. I don't say this in a "woe is me" way; I'm simply stating facts. I know that a lot of adults are in this same situation - many people move away from their families - so my situation is not unique. It just sometimes adds a layer of challenge on top of already challenging situations.
Luckily for me, I have a few amazing friends, who are basically family at this point. So, I asked my very dear friend (we'll call him Z) if he would be able to drive me to and from the appointment, and he was able to do it.
I won't bore you with the details of getting to the MRI and having it done, and getting home...that all went fine. Z was kind enough to offer to pick up food, as I was kind of hungry - but for the life of me I couldn't figure out what I wanted to eat, so I just had him drive me home. He made sure I got in ok, and then I was on my own for the afternoon.
I wasn't sure how long I would feel fuzzy-headed (that's the best way I can describe it) from the Valium, but it turned out it was quite a while. I napped for a little while in the afternoon, but not for long. I spent most of the afternoon feeling sleepy but not being able to sleep, and hungry but not hungry enough to get up and get myself some food. And then it hit me - all I wanted in that moment was for someone to be there, taking care of me. A partner, or family member who would tell me to go to bed and to not worry because everything would be taken care of. I'm not great at accepting help from others, but I really wanted it in that moment.
My kiddo was with my ex for dinner that night, and he and I had been going back and forth on who would be doing the transportation back to my place that evening. I thought I'd be ok to drive by then, but I was definitely not. Luckily, my ex was fine with bringing the kiddo back to my house after dinner, so I didn't have to worry about driving. I try to have as much gratitude as I can for things in my life, and in that moment I thought about the single parents who don't have a co-parent, and how incredibly difficult that must be. While there is definitely a part of me that wishes I never had to see my ex again, I know that I'm lucky he's actually still around and mostly willing to be helpful in the day-to-day.
I think one of the trickiest things about divorce and co-parenting is all of the mixed emotions it can bring up. It's like grief, in a lot of ways (something I have quite a bit of experience with)...a lot of the time it feels like you're riding waves, some big, some small. I'm just trying to do my best to take care of myself and my kiddo while moving forward with my life.
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